I’m a firm believer in the idea that the word “love” is thrown around frivolously, so it’s no mystery that older folks, or people left jaded from past relationships, are cynical when young couples proclaim their ardent love for each other.  These skeptical onlookers generally assume the “love” they’re told of is really just a case of strong, yet transient, infatuation.  I don’t blame them, considering the disheartening divorce rate in America and people like Kim Kardashian who regard relationships with an equivalency to seasonal attire.  Despite the painful evidence that love is yet another gift from our Creator we’ve horribly tainted, I am also a firm believer that true love absolutely exists.  

I think it’s safe to blame Satan-The-Troll for our skewed vision of love.  I mean, he’s the one who set up all the dominos that lead to the downfall of humanity, right?  But fortunately for us, God is the ultimate one-upper and provided us otherwise-doomed humans a way to love each other with the supernatural capacity He has to love us.  

There are two greek words defining distinct types of love that I’ve come to appreciate: Phileo and and Agape.  The first is a conditional love based on emotions and feelings and the latter is God’s kind of love.  A boundless, eternal love that withstands adversity and gives endlessly without expectation of reimbursement.  Albeit Phileo love is undoubtedly vital to a loving relationship, Agape is the type of love that is innate within our being; we were designed by our Maker to long for this unwavering love.

True to His promise, the Lord has blessed me with this seemingly impossible Agape love.  I know I’m young, unmarried, and whatever other reasons unbelievers can construct to discredit my proclamation of true love, but the reality is Jesus didn’t declare specific requirements one must fulfill in order to experience the love He fashioned for us before we were born.  We don’t have to be certain height (if that were the case, I don’t know if I’d ever be eligible for love), weight, or age.  We don’t need a degree or prestigious list of accomplishments to earn our right to Agape love, we just need Jesus’ perfect timing.  And praise God for his timing, because it is indeed perfect. 

Camron came into my life at a time when I desperately needed to experience the human manifestation of Christ’s love.  I had reached the pinnacle of my eating disorder, where my destructive behavior could have devastated my body had I not been pulled out of the darkness.  Not only was my health on the verge of deterioration, but my mental state as well.  I was leaving home for the first time and moving to the desert where I knew exactly one person.  Entering into my biggest fear: complete uncertainty.  

But the Lord was sweet and gave me Camron.  His presence in my life was 100% unexpected.  Our friends and family most likely perceived our decision to embark on a long-distance adventure as temporary insanity. But our lives aren’t supposed to make sense to the world when we’re living with Christ in us, right?  

At this point, I could probably write a novella about Camron’s Agape love for me.  I’m sure by the time we’re married, the novella will have progressed into a saga.  But for the sake of brevity, I’ll try to stick to key information.  

I am a mess.  No one is exempt from messiness, but I am especially messy.  I am a jumble of emotions and feel chaotic a majority of the time.  But Camron loves me so well despite my disarrayed state and the only explanation for his unequivocal love is Jesus.  If Cam’s love for me was merely Phileo, I’d be willing to bet he would have dumped my emotionally-unstable butt long ago.  I have put up no facades in an effort to deceive Camron from the truth of who I really am, and he still wants to be with me.  That is undeniably a miracle made possible solely by the blood of Jesus.  

Because of my eating disorder, I am keenly aware of my physical shortcomings (pun intended).  Disclaimer: I am not saying that girls who’ve struggled with eating disorders are the only ones who experience a void in self-worth.  I just think it makes us acutely vulnerable to the consequences of low self-esteem.  There have been an unfortunate amount of times in the past three weeks when I’ve gotten snappy with him for no other reason besides my own physical dissatisfaction.  I’ve pushed his hands away when he’s reached out to embrace me.  I’ve even yelled at him for looking at me too long, out of sheer panic that he’ll notice how truly un-pretty I am if he stares too deeply.  

My relationship with the Lord mirrors my relationship with Camron, just as the Lord’s response to my actions mirror Camron’s response to my actions.  Because of my grave fear of undesirability, I treat my Creator poorly.  I lash out at him because of my own deficiencies.  I reject his embrace and attempt to avert his eyes from my imperfections.  I do all these mean, ungrateful things, yet he still loves me.  Camron reveals Christ’s steadfast love for me everyday.  He is patient and kind and, to my utter amazement, never greets my unloving behavior with anger or bitterness.  He relentlessly tells me I’m beautiful.  As reluctant as I am to admit it, there have been numerous times when I’ve lashed out at him unwarrantedly and post-verbal-attack I ask him why he still loves me when I have these awful moments of self-loathing that he receives the brunt of.  His response is always the same: “I especially love you when you are in one of these moods because I know it’s the time when you need my love the most.” 

The Lord loves us regardless of the fact that we fall so short of His love for us.  I know Camron doubts himself, just as any human does.  I know he doubts that he loves the way Jesus has called him to love, just as any Christian does.  But Camron’s love for me is 100% powered by Jesus Christ.  

Agape love has been defined as divine, self-sacrificing, and unconditional.  Camron’s love for me absolutely encompasses all of those characteristics, and infinite others.  I am so blessed to have this amazing love in my life to remind me that I am the Lord’s princess.

never thought this little puppy could bring so much joy into my life and teach me so much about love :)

I’ve never posted anything on here, mostly because I’m technologically handicapped and even blogging sites like tumblr (that pre-teens have no trouble navigating) are beyond my capabilities.  But I figure since I’m an English major, I might as well give this a shot. 

So for my tumblr debut, I’ll tell you about my best friend.  His name is Camron Walding, and he’s my amazing, wonderful, hilarious, kind, handsome, and Godly boyfriend.

I think the term “best friend” is over-used and under-valued, just as the word “love” is thrown around disingenuously all too often.  We ‘love’ our pets, Justin Bieber, and God all in the same sentence, except each object of our ‘love’ elicits completely different value. Similarly, we deem the girl next to us in class who shares our reverence for Bridesmaids our ‘best friend,’ when really, we’ve just realized we both enjoy raunchy films.  I’m not saying commonalities aren’t important in a best-friendship, but I think there are much deeper qualifications people forget to acknowledge before they grant someone the lofty title of best friend. 

Before I met Cam, I thought the possibility of a boy claiming the title of my absolute, numero-uno, all-time best friend was about as likely as me sprouting 12 inches and becoming a world-renowned, olympic volleyball player.  But that has become another classic example in my life where I’ve “put God in a box.”

I can honestly say Camron is the only person (besides God, duh) who truly gets me.  I mean that in the most significant way you can use the term “gets me.”  My parents know me, and to some extent understand me, but they’ll never get me in the way he does.  My closest friends get me, but they’re knowledge of me contains voids that will never be filled.  

Camron and I both love Bridesmaids, tie-dye, small animals, funfetti cookies, and the Hunger Games.  We hate cold water, “bros,” having dirty hands, and living 750 miles away from each other.  The amount of surface similarities we share are infinite, and some are mildly embarrassing, so I’ll spare you.  But our friendship is based on so much more than our worldly sources of entertainment and disdain.

Camron knows me in the most intimate way a person can know another person without having experienced them sexually.  I know that sounds gross and sort of weird, but it’s the truth. Our friendship has this divine aspect to it that I honestly can’t articulate, but there’s no doubt in my mind that God designed us to be together.  He’s the only friend I have that literally knows EVERY single thing there is to know about me. I have close girlfriends, even some that I’d consider to be my bffs, but not even they know all the intricate details Camron knows about my life.  Purely out of fear of rejection, I’ve hidden things I’m ashamed of from people I’m closest to.  But Camron knows every single detail, and I’ve never felt, or even feared, rejection or judgement from him.  

A best friend is the first person you call when anything happens in your life, inconsequential or monumental.  They share your interests and dislikes and they disagree with you in an effort to open your mind to opinions beyond the ones you’ve cultivated. They tell you you’re pretty and awesome and fun to be around and the laughter is constant (subtle bridesmaids reference). They’re sarcastic and playful, but never at your expense.  They know what’s important to you and they make it important to them too.  They love Younglife, but most importantly they love Jesus.  At least, these are the qualities my best friend encompasses.  

To me, a best friend is rare and absolutely a gift from God.  I think everyone has close friends, some even exhibit best-friend-like-qualities, but ultimately, I think we were made to have one best friend who will eventually become our spouse.  Camron is honestly the only person on this Earth who has the capacity to love me through all the crap I carry with me, and never quit.  He’s the only person who likes to hear about my poops, just because he likes to hear about me (I know some of you reading this just barfed in your mouth a little, but lets be honest, everyone needs a best friend who can share in the glory of your poops).  And the only reason he can love me so well is because he has Christ in him.  

My intentions aren’t to try and tell people that I have this perfect best friend who will never fail me.  Camron is human, just as I am, and we will fall short of each other.  But I think there’s something to be said about a person who can love another so well despite all their baggage in a world full of broken and selfish relationships.  And the credit for this capacity we have to love another so well goes to God.  

Last night I talked to Camron on the phone for two hours and I think that’s what prompted me to get this out in writing.  We live 750 miles away from each other and have only seen each other in the flesh for a total of 3 weeks this year, but there’s a ridiculous amount of love we have for each other that can only be described as a divine best-friendship.  

I won’t lie, sometimes the sin nature I’ve inherited gets the better of me and it comes out in my relationship with Cam.  At the end of our conversation last night, I started to think, “what if some day Camron realizes he doesn’t want a part in my mess anymore and finds another ‘best friend’ to spend his life with?”  I asked him this in my moment of insecurity (undoubtedly brought on by Satan-the-troll) and his response was, “One day when you walk down the aisle and see me standing there you’ll know it.  You’ll think, ‘Yeah, this is forever.’”  

My best friend loves me despite all the burdens I carry with me.  He’s helped me work through so many struggles in my life, and I know as our journey together continues, he’ll bless my life in ways that I can’t even imagine.  I’ll be forever grateful to my Creator for blessing me with Camron, because there’s no way I would be able to make it through this life without him.

love this so much